The anti-list poem poem

Speaking only for me and my writing, I tend to write list poems when I am feeling stalled and need to just start pushing my pen across the paper to unblock. Perhaps this is why my list poems tend to be rants about how messed up the patriarchy is…you have agree it generates a LOT of inspiration and content for poetry!

I have an long running joke about list poems with the producer I work most closely with- Creatif Kate. We have both written them, she has a very wicked sense of humour and timing. You can check out Creatif Kate’s amazing work here: https://creatifkate.com/

Today’s poem was inspired by a conversation I had with Kate over brunch, when I announced quite confidently that bananas are an abomination. It sparked me to think about other things that should be called out.

I performed it for the first time at an event in late April.

Things that are an abomination, or should be 
Things that are an abomination, 
According the Book of Leviticus, Volume 2. 
Musicals are an abomination 
for they weave together an unholy trinity of 
The singing and the acting and the dancing -  
Causing me much angst and commotion. 

The banana is an abomination: 
Being both a fruit and not a fruit!? 
My people must avoid such Schrödinger confusion. 
And thou shalt not partake of the feijoa 
For it doeth bring such perfumed sadness upon me. 

And I proclaim to my people 
That hypocrisy is an abomination: 
One shall not pretend to hold family values 
whilst having cheated on all three wives
and grabbed lady-folk, without their consent,
by their
pussy cats 
on the other hand, are a most
true and noble creation.
Bow down in obedient servitude, meow. 

And finally, let my people know that there is an 
even greater abomination of all abominations, 
The one that will require the greatest penance 
And exile...one from which can come no joy. 
Thus, let it be known that the list poem 
is also something I will never condone.